“Allah tests those whom He loves the most.” I heard this so often. Every time someone was going through a hardship, this line was repeated to them. When my mom passed away, I was told this. When someone is struggling to get married, they’re told this. When someone is struggling with having a child, they’re told this. Every time I was going through a test I repeated this line to myself. I reassured myself that, yes, this test is difficult but at least I know Allah SWT loves me. Is this true though? That’s what we’ll be exploring in this blog.
Growing up my brother and I were considered to be the religious children. We both memorized Qur’an at a young age and went to an Islamic school majority of our schooling. We dressed modestly and were very respectful. Parents around would make dua for their children to be like us. We were put on this pedestal that we never felt like we deserved. But because this was an identity I was given by so many around me from a young age, I adapted it. Remember, who you are today is a collection of identities that were given to you by the people around you growing up unless you purposefully changed them which so many of us have not done.
I started identifying myself as someone religious. Someone who was in deen. My brother did the same. He is now a part time Imam at one of the most well known masajids in the DFW area and on the masjid’s board of directors.
We had a lot of struggles growing up as a family and so I always thought, ‘oh maybe this is cause we’re religious and close to Allah.’ Allah tests those whom He loves the most. When I turned 20 and my mom was diagnosed with cancer, that’s when I really started to question this belief. I was no longer convinced that those whom Allah loves the most are tested the most. Or at least, the way I was interpreting the phrase was incorrect. I was thinking, anyone who’s religious is going to have a difficult life in dunya.
I’m at the point in my life now where life is the most difficult it has ever been. I’m now going back to the same questioning I had when I was 20 yrs old.
Is it worth it to be religious if that means this life is going to be so difficult?
That’s what I started asking myself then, and now. When I was 20, it was coming from a place of grief and anger. Now when I’m asking myself this, it’s coming from genuine curiosity. Am I being tested so much because I’m close to Allah? Or is it because I’m not close enough to Allah? Or is this how the Prophets were tested as well? I have so many questions now.
I was reading Imam Omar Suleiman’s book called, ‘Allah loves’ and in chapter 5 of it, there’s a passage that mentions a hadith from the Prophet SAW. The Prophet SAW said:
"Ask Allah for His favor as Allah Almighty loves to be asked. Among the best acts of worship is to patiently wait in expectation of relief.”
Sunan al-Tirmidhi
The last part of that hadith was something I had never heard before. Among the best acts of worship is waiting for relief from Allah? So that means everytime we’re being tested and we’re making dua in hopes of relief, that is when we are being rewarded a lot? In that waiting period? I found that to be very interesting and comforting.
This still didn’t answer my curiosity around why be extra religious if this dunya is going to be difficult because of that. Why not just do the faraidh so you’re still considered a Muslim but not anything more than that. The closer you are to Allah the more difficult this dunya is, right?
I finally got clarity around this question. The interpretation of the test is what matters. It’s the story you tell yourself about the trial. This is also how trauma is formed. Trauma comes from the story of the event that we tell ourselves. This is why 2 people raised in the same household can have 2 very different outcomes. It’s because of how they viewed the hardship they went through. Some people use the hardship to empower themselves and some use it to victimize themselves.
When we use the tests that Allah puts us through to victimize ourselves, then we’d rather not be tested at all. We’d rather not be close to Allah. We’d rather just do the obligatory acts and that’s it. However, when we use the trials to empower ourselves, well this is where the fruits of Islam are. This is where we are told of so much reward. There is reward in going through the test, there is reward in making dua for help from Allah, there is reward in the patience during the test, there is reward is passing the test, there is reward in coming out better than before from the test. There is reward in this life and the next. Allah promises that He replaces that which He takes away with something better.
Now that that’s cleared up, I had another question. Why are some people tested way more than others? When I share the things I’ve been through, the shock I see in people’s faces is insane. It’s as if they’re listening to one of the saddest stories. When I hear their struggles, I sometimes think, wow, that actually sounds much nicer and easier. And yes, I know, there’s always more to a person’s struggle than meets the eye. However, some people’s struggles are harder than others. The person who is going through a loss of a job or a divorce is going through extreme difficulties. But someone who is in Gaza right now losing family members, homes and their limbs is going through much harder difficulties.
This is where the beauty of Islam comes in. Both those people are going to be rewarded for their trials. Allah SWT has promised that he will provide for us from places we don’t know about. He says in Surah At-Talaq, ayah 3:
وَيَرْزُقْهُ مِنْ حَيْثُ لَا يَحْتَسِبُ ۚ وَمَن يَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى ٱللَّهِ فَهُوَ حَسْبُهُۥٓ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ بَـٰلِغُ أَمْرِهِۦ ۚ قَدْ جَعَلَ ٱللَّهُ لِكُلِّ شَىْءٍۢ قَدْرًۭا (٣)
“And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allāh – then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allāh will accomplish His purpose. Allāh has already set for everything a [decreed] extent.”
The biggest thing I’ve learned from all the trials I’ve been through is that having trust in Allah is key. Reminding yourself that this life will end. That everyone in this world is going to die and end up in the same place on the Day of Judgement, standing before Allah. That’s when you can really put things into perspective. That’s when you can think long term. Yes, in the short term having a life of less difficulties sounds amazing, but in the long term, having a life full of difficulties sounds amazing because your status in Jannah will be so much higher.
And the best part is, if you’re truly close to Allah, the story you tell yourself about the hardships you’re going through, will always empower you. If the story you tell yourself is always empowering you, then are you really going through a ‘hardship’?
This dunya truly is the long game. The minute you make it the short game, is when you level down.
Until next time my friend,
Remember you got this because you have Allah.
Your sister,
Mariam
