Resilience is to push through. It is to never give up even when things are difficult.
But are there times when it’s too late? When something is over and you have to give up on it? Are there some things that are not fixable?
That’s what we’re going to be talking about in this blog.
It’s been 2.5 years since my mom passed away. And till now, I have people ask me if I properly grieved my mom. I would say yes, I cried and grieved the 3 days after she passed away like Islam tells us to do. I didn’t think there was anything more to the grieving process.
I definitely missed her a lot and even had panic attacks because I couldn’t believe that she was gone at times.
I definitely struggled after her passing.
But I thought that was not grieving, that was just missing her and learning to live without her.
Till now, 2.5 years later I still randomly cry a lot when I remember her because I still cannot believe I have to spend the rest of my life without her.
After 2.5 years, I finally understood what grieving my mom for me meant. I had a lot of unclosed doors with my mom. She passed away less than 2 months after I got married. So the last few months of her life I wasn’t really present. And till a few months ago, I regretted not being there for her in her last few months.
I felt like I neglected her. I felt like there were so many unanswered questions. I felt like I never got to say bye to her properly. My mom actually got cancer in her brain towards the end of her life and so her last 1.5 month was actually her not being present. She wasn’t there mentally. And so I never got to say bye to her properly. Even though, we knew a month before she passed away that this was happening, it was as if it happened all of a sudden. The flip in her brain switched automatically. I lost her all of a sudden with no warning. And so I have a lot of regret and a lack of closure.
After she passed, it felt like it was too late. It was too late to get closure. It was too late to apologize to her. It was too late to hug her and thank her for everything she did. It was too late. She was gone.
I feel like there are things in life like this where we feel like its too late. It’s too late to save a marriage sometimes. It’s too late to apologize to someone. It’s too late to make it up to someone.
But the truth is, it’s never too late. In actuality, it’s never too late. The only time it is too late is when the DOJ happens. But before that, it’s never too late. Let me explain why.
Allah says in the Qur’an:
قُلْ يَـٰعِبَادِىَ ٱلَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا۟ عَلَىٰٓ أَنفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا۟ مِن رَّحْمَةِ ٱللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ ٱلذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا ۚ إِنَّهُۥ هُوَ ٱلْغَفُورُ ٱلرَّحِيمُ (٥٣)
Say, “O My servants who have transgressed against themselves: do not despair of God’s mercy, for God forgives all sins. He is indeed the All-Forgiving, Most Merciful..”
Allah always forgives as long as we repent. It’s never too late to repent. It’s never too late to come back to Allah.
If we die with shahadah, then the forms of sadaqatul jariah that we have set up will continue to help us until the DOJ.
So even after death, it’s not too late.
I think this is the case for everything in life.
So going back to how I was feeling with my mom’s passing. I thought it was too late to get closure. But it’s not. I can make dua for her. I can do more forms of charity for her. I can build wells in her name. I can open schools in her name. And most of all, I can live an amazing life in the path of Allah. I can make dua that all the good that I do in this life, she gets the hasanat for it. And I can teach my future kids to make dua for her.
There are so many ways that I can do good for her and for it to never be too late.
This applies to other things in life as well. Let’s say you had a really good friend that you’re no longer friends with. You still think about them and wish you were friends with them but it feels like it’s too late to reignite that friendship. Maybe things have been said or things have been done. If you really want to be their friend again then there is nothing stopping you from reaching out to them. Even if they don’t respond, you can do your part. It’s never too late for you to do something about it.
This also applies to starting a business, starting a marriage, restarting a marriage, having kids (you can adopt if you can’t have any of your own), getting healthy, etc.
It’s never too late to try.
Your brain will believe whatever you tell it and so if you tell yourself it’s too late for something then that is how you’ll act.
And guess what, it is so much easier for your brain to think it’s too late because that means you don’t have to take any action. It’s so much easier to just give up and move on to the next thing than to work on something, than to improve something.
Also having the mindset that of it never being too late creates a sense of resilience. It makes you feel empowered. It puts you in a position to take action. It prevents you from living a life of regret.
I could have continued to live my life with regret that I didn’t get closure with my mom. Or I can take action and think it’s never too late. I can do whatever I can to make this right.
Also having the mindset that ‘it’s never too late’ is a form of positive psychology. There have been multiple studies out there that have proved that having a positive mindset leads to a more fulfilling life.
According to an article published in Psychology Today, Approximately 50 percent of happiness is attributed to genetics, 10 percent to life circumstances, and 40 percent to personal choices. (link) This indicates that even if one is not naturally inclined towards a positive outlook, regularly committing to improving happiness can make a significant difference.
If we just make choices in our life that allows us to have a more resilient mindset, the mindset that nothing is unachievavle, it’s never too late, then that is what will happen.
We have so much control over our mindset. So much control over our choices.
If Allah SWT has told us that it is never too late to repent to Him, then why not apply that mindset to everything in life.
It’s never too late.
So the next time you think it’s too late for something, ask yourself, is it really too late? Is there something I can do right now that will prove that it’s not too late? Why do I believe it’s too late? What if it wasn’t too late?
Until next time my friend,
Remember you got this because you have Allah
Your sister,
Mariam
