3 Steps to Happiness

Imagine waking up every morning with a heart full of joy, a smile that won’t fade, and an unwavering sense of contentment. No matter what challenges life throws your way, you remain resilient, positive, and genuinely happy. Sounds impossible doesn’t it? 

We all yearn for lasting happiness, that elusive state of mind that seems to slip through our fingers in the midst of life’s ups and downs. Yet, the pursuit of happiness is not merely a pursuit; it’s an art, a skill, and a way of life. 

In this blog post, we’re going to unravel the secret to achieving and maintaining happiness, no matter what circumstances come your way.

Happiness is an emotion. It is also a state of being. You can feel happy and you can BE happy. 

Either way, as humans we’re always striving for this. We all want to feel and be happy. 

Happiness has been a personal search for me for the longest time. 

There was actually a point in my life where I didn’t even remember what it felt like to be happy anymore. If anyone asked me what is one thing I wanted in life, I’d say, I just want to feel happy again. I always felt that my happiness was dependent on my situation. It was dependent on the people around me and the things around me. And so it was an emotion that would come and go and I could never keep it long term. No matter how much I tried, I would find myself quickly changing emotional states. I couldn’t maintain my happiness for long. 

Growing up, there was a lot of ‘surviving’ in my family. We were constantly in a state of fight or flight and so I learned early on that being happy was just a temporary state and if I were in that state for too long, something bad would happen. 

I memorized the pattern that as soon as something good happens in life, something bad has to happen right away. 

I also memorized from my teachers that Allah tests those whom He loves. And so I felt that the only way I knew that Allah loved me was if I was in a state of difficulty. If I ever got to a place where life felt a bit easy, I would panic and search for something to worry about because I thought, ‘life can never be easy because this dunya is a test, there is no pleasure here, all the pleasure is in the Akhirah.’ 

I didn’t realize that I was training my brain to be afraid of happiness. I subconsciously began to run away from all the good in my life. I viewed everything as bad. I lived in a constant state of threat. 

A couple years ago, when life felt too difficult and what I felt was too many challenges that came my way, I found myself ‘never’ being happy. Not even for a few moments. I got to the point where I didn’t even remember what it meant to be happy. 

Everything changed when I found life coaching and became certified as a life coach. 

I learned so much about human behavior and the mind. I went deep into learning about personal development. 

For the first 25 years of my life, I didn’t know that I could change my brain. I didn’t know that it was a tool that Allah SWT has blessed us humans with and gave us control over it. I didn’t know that the mind is what controlled everything, after Allah SWT. 

Okay, now let me break it down real simple. 

Happiness is an emotion. Emotions are how our minds and bodies react to different things or situations. They include how we feel inside, what happens in our bodies, and what we show on the outside.

Where do emotions come from? ‘Emotions arise from activations of specialized neuronal populations in several parts of the cerebral cortex’ (link) 

The cerebral cortex is the brain’s outer covering, like its “thinking cap,” which helps us do things like think, see, talk, and move. 

So basically, emotions come from our mind. 

If we could control our mind, then theoretically we could control our emotions, and if we could control our emotions, then we could control our happiness. Because after all, happiness is an emotion. 

Thoughts cause emotions. 

What are thoughts? Simply put, they are sentences in your mind. 

For example, let’s say you’re at the hospital and your family member just had surgery and the doctor comes out and says the surgery went spectacular, automatically you will start to feel the emotion of happiness or relief. If I tell you, ‘Tomorrow, your pet will fall sick,’ (unless you’re afraid of animals, but even then, an animal falling sick is generally not a positive thing), you will start to feel the emotion of sadness or worry. 

Our thoughts are the driving force behind our emotions.

That is the power of the mind. 

Your entire life is based on your thoughts. This is why if you’ve ever learned about personal development, a phrase that is often repeated is, ‘perception is everything.’ Your perception is just a collection of your thoughts. 

So how do we control our mind for it to give us thoughts that lead to the emotion of happiness? 

All we have to do is think of what happiness is for us individually and reinforce that thought in all situations as much as possible to rewire the brain to give thoughts that lead to the emotion of happiness. 

The mind is a very powerful machine. It starts to get wired from the minute you are born into this world. 

And so it’s important to remember that if you’ve thought a certain way for ‘x’ number of years, it won’t change overnight. It will take deliberate action and time but once you change your brain, your life will change too.